A update on Andrew and a trip to remember and in a few years it may be funny...maybe

I just got an update on Andrew! Praise be to God he is home now! Perfectly fine! What a miracle! Thank you all for praying! I'm getting together with them not this Wednesday but next, and I will get a picture! I'm still in shock, I had really been afraid that the outcome would not be good. Thank you again for all your prayers!

My mom last weekend when I told her we thought we would go to the house this weekend, had a moment of prophetic insight as she said, "no one has been up there in months you may have to do a little work."

In my mind I thought of dust, dead bugs, maybe some rodent stuff. We can handle that, for heaven sakes Chad and I are adults! We can open the house up for the Spring/Summer season.

Friday afternoon we loaded up all the stuff it takes for 3 days of living. We piled in the car, Chad, me, Meghan, Jordan (her friend), Katie and Lauren. We had thought we would eat when we got there but it took much longer loading everything up, so we made a stop at the Wendy's.

Right after that is when the fun started! We are singing old songs, just having a good ole time! We pull in, and someone who gave birth 3 times had to go to the bathroom! Chad hands me the keys as he walks to the side of the house to cut the water on. (You remember we were the qualified adults who were going to open the house for the fishing season.)

I walked in and the smell almost made me throw up, but I thinking, "Oust we need Oust!" but I'm still heading to the bathroom. I throw open the door and I don't know how to describe it, but basically the shower now was where the septic thing had decided to redeposit all that goes in it.

This is the part that now makes me so proud of myself, see I went out and told Chad that we had a little more of a problem than dead bugs and the man tells me to...

Rinse it out and take the plunger and it will be fine. And I kid you not, I tried it!

Very quickly, I'm back outside with some choice words for my lovely husband that might have included the words...

You have lost your mind!

Needless to say, the weekend was off to not quite what I had in mind. Chad was sure he could fix it and my job was to check and see if Oust could live up to it's claim! By mid-morning Saturday we had a working toilet and shower! Poor Chad, he had to work really hard in some horrible conditions, but he did it! (We had to borrow a neighbors bathroom and in a fishing community in March the neighbors are few and far between!)

The rest of the weekend was fun! I'm hoping to hear more on Andrew in the morning! Thank you for praying for him!

Please pray

Monday Afternoon update, I talked to Andrew's family and he is now breathing on his own! That is a huge step! His MRI looked good. Thank you all for praying for him, I'll update more as I find out.


Wednesday night on the way to church I felt like God wanted me to share about when Lauren (my youngest) fell into the pool and if not for Him performing a miracle she would be dead.

So I did get up and share briefly what had happened. Yesterday a lady from that class called because a lady she knew, was at the same hospital with Andrew. He is 3 and he fell in their pool. Would I call her?

I did, and it was hard. But this morning, I just talked to the dad and it doesn't look very good at all.

Please pray that God will step in and do a miracle for them. Please pray that I will know what to say one way or the other.
Jen

Guess who is heading to the lake?

That would be us! My parents have a house (very small, very small) on a lake in Alabama, and today we are heading there!

Chad loves to go, why wouldn't he, he gets up at the crack of dawn, fishing until a little after lunch. Comes back, cleans the fish (if he caught any). Eats, takes a nap and then sits on the porch and talks with the other fishermen. Fishes off the dock some and then goes to bed.

I on the other hand, don't fish, I don't swim in the lake water and the house is very small. Did I mention its small? Two bedrooms, a kitchen, one bath, and a living room. In case you have forgotten there are 5 of us, and Meghan always brings a friend. So we will have 5 girls and 1 guy.

No Internet either. But PLENTY of messes! Not to mention for some reason when we go, Chad thinks I turn into my mom, who loves to cook...I don't. She gets up and fixes breakfast for them before they go fishing and packs their lunch...I don't want to! Doesn't mind sweeping a million times a day because all the people coming in and out...I don't. But when there I try to live up to her! (I get blessed some trips because they are there and then I get to act like a kid and not have to do anything!)

So why do we go, since it seems like I am whining. Because the girls and Chad love it. They love walking around the lake. Katie has been known to chase geese for hours. They fish off the dock and catch huge carp (because Dad feeds them). And everyone in the house likes to stay up and up and up. Except for me, I like to be in bed by 9:30 and since Alabama is an hour behind us, that is 8:30 there!

Can you tell that I personally am not that much of an outdoor girl? I do love seeing them have fun though.

But I do love getting up early (because men getting ready to fish are loud and I sleep light) and sitting on the porch and watching the sun come up over the lake, it is a sight to behold! I'll try to get a picture and post it when I get back.

I'm bringing a book with me, Ted Dekker's new one, Adam. I love his books! I can read in between all the 'Mom look at that', 'Mom can we go', 'Mom make them stop', Mom, Mom and then 'Jenny, look at this fish, have you ever seen such a beauty?'

No, darling that is the most gorgeous fish ever!

Working full time and shame, I think that is a combo meal!

Yesterday in my post I mentioned that I worked full time and in the comments Nikki, said "I didn't know you worked." Do you know why that is?

I have been keeping it a secret because I was ashamed!

Before you leave me a comment saying, "that is stupid!" Let me explain. I stayed home with the girls and we lived on a very limited budget but did fine for about 12 years. Then a friend introduced me to a network marketing company, she had done very well and still does very well at it. But for us it started us on a cycle of trying to have more and more.

I did very well at it, in fact I was one of those people who they print up things to tell you that you can do it too! Long story short, the money was good, and we started living bigger and bigger and bigger. Then our big living started outpacing the money coming in.

Not to mention the higher up in the company I got the more I had to be willing to lie. Like I would met you and tell you 'yep, you can do this for 4 hours a week and make great money.' We were suppose to make it look easy, and it wasn't. You can't chase God and money at the same time. We very strongly felt God say, "get out of the business, totally!"

I at first thought if we did, Chad would get a raise. Especially since God knew how much money we needed. It didn't work that way. God knew in this case we needed to face some strong consequences in order for the lesson to stick!

Going back to work, has been hard! Did I say hard. When I first started, I couldn't find the time to pray or read my Bible. It was only when I got very deliberate with my time that I found I could do it. The more steps I made, the easier the next one was.

Then in October, I signed up for a class at church and I flunked out, I could not do it. It was too much. Once again I had to re-learn to be deliberate with my time, and this time when we did a 10 week class, so far I have made it to all 8 with 2 to go! Not all the homework is done, not even perfectly like I like, but I'm there!

A couple of months ago when I first started reading blogs, I realized most of the ones I read are stay at home moms. Like I use to be before I had to pay some consequences! So I thought I should try to blend in. What a hoot!

But you know what, whether you work, stay home with kids, or do some combination, it doesn't matter! Our common interest is Jesus and chasing after him!

So if you work full time or part time, leave a comment and let me know what is working for you and what your struggling with. If you stay home with kids, stop for a minute today and say a quick prayer for your working sisters. As one has done both, they are both hard, but different!

My office this morning, I didn't even clean for you all!

What is holding me back?

Today really yesterday but I'm behind again, the question we were asked is what is holding me back from going deeper with God? We are taking part of a study "What happens when women say Yes to God" by Lysa Terkeurst.
If you want to jump in with us here is all details.

Me, that is what is holding me back. That about sums it up. God wants a deeper relationship so I have to be the problem! I can name alot of reasons, like for the first time in my married life I am working a full time job. I started back in September and can I just say it has been a hard adjustment. I don't think it is forever just for a season or two or three.

Then there is always the reason of its hard, Satan knows when we are getting serious and trying. He is right there waiting with some type of trap and if you side step that he'll try something else.

But both of those are just reasons, that I can overcome if I put my mind and heart to it. I love what Lysa said in the book about radically obedience just being Biblical obedience. I sometimes think I'm doing something special but I'm not. The special part is God's side, I do what He expects and He shows up and makes it special!

Sorry I'm a day late!
Jenny

Youth groups...

Youth group. Who in the world came up with such a bland name? I don’t know much about youth groups as I only went twice my entire High School years. But never the less the name needs improving. See, I was a girl that on Monday mornings everyone talked about. You know conversations, ‘there is no way she actually did that’ or ‘I saw Jenny and guess what she was doing or who she was with.’ I’m sure you know girls like I was, or you may even be one yourself.

Girls like me, somewhere received a hurt inside them that they try to fix, usually in the wrong ways. Before I knew it, I lost myself and all I had left was a mess. I decided if I was going to be talked about I might as well go as far as I could to give them something to talk about. I did, over and over. But in the middle of the night I would cry and think “could I be different, how, is it too late”?

That is when somehow I decided to go to a youth group, I went looking for hope. Instead, all I received was nothing. It was like I wasn’t even there. No one spoke, no one asked my name, nothing. The youth minister must have noticed me because the next Friday night at a football game he saw me in the parking lot, drinking. He came over to tell me I was going to hell. True, but he didn’t offer me an alternative. He just wanted to let me know how hopeless I was. The funny thing was, I already knew that!

A couple of years went by, and I found myself at the end of me. I had recently lost a good friend who died in a car wreck. I had been arrested for shoplifting and my friends because of some things I had done, deserted me. I didn’t know who I was anymore. All I knew is all I had done. For some reason I went back to the youth group and it was pretty much a repeat of before. I wasn’t wanted there, I was too much of a “youth group” outcast. What was so sad is some of the same people sitting there would have hung out with me at a party. But not at youth group.
Why, because many times youth groups define teens by their past and present. When actually we all should define each other as teens that need God’s grace and mercy! That’s what I needed, grace because I knew I didn’t fit in, but I wanted what they had, hope. Mercy, I needed a whole heap of mercy but you know what so did they. We are all the same, we all need Jesus. They just happened to have him but didn’t want to share!

Maybe they didn’t know what to do with me, and you may be thinking of a gal in your group that you don’t know what to do with. Look her in the eye and smile. Simple, right? But hard to do. Reach out because I believe most gals who show up at a youth event no matter what you have heard, are desperate for some hope. You have that hope and it all starts with you being brave enough to look at them and smile!

Just in case you’re wondering, I was 21 before I tried again. This time they offered me Jesus and he gave me hope!

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead. 1 Peter 1:3

Easter 2008, The Power of the Cross

This morning I got up early and sat with my Bible, re-reading what happened all those many years ago. I looked outside and its still dark here just like then. I try to imagine what I would have felt if I had been one of those ladies. It's hard to imagine all the range of emotions they had to have felt, fear in going, extreme sadness, then despair, fear again when they saw the angels, and excitement. I'm so glad this Easter morning we get to start right there at excitement!

Jesus is risen and because He rose I live.

But how I live is up to me. I want this year to be marked. A year marked by obedience, radical obedience. A year marked by love. Lastly, a year marked by experiencing God's power in new way.

Jesus was marked for me by human hands, in horrible ways, we can be marked by Jesus by His hands. What do you want to be marked for this Easter?

What is that smell??

Tonight Meghan, new boyfriend, Katie, Lauren and I all went to the High School Play. They were performing High School Musical. Chad was hiding at the house.

Everything was lovely until intermission, when the lights went back down, I started smelling something horrible. I fidgeted, I thought about walking outside for a few minutes, I glanced around, nothing. Just this horrible smell!

A few minutes later, I lean over to Katie and ask..."did you take your shoes off?"

YEP, she put them back on and the smell disappeared! How can such a cutie have such stinky feet. I know the people around us were relieved too!

Ring Around the Mulberry Tree...

Mulberry tress and sycamine trees have alot in common...
First, they have HUGE roots systems very quickly and can live up to 600 years.
Second, they like well drained soil.

What does this mean to us, you may be thinking. Jesus in Luke 17, says with the tiniest faith we can say to the Mulberry tree "be pulled up by the roots and planted in the sea."

The connection is what He had just told them, forgive your brothers and sisters as many times as they ask you too. That's hard when they do the same thing over and over. When someone hurts me, the first thing to start growing is a bitter taste in my mouth. You know what I'm talking about, you see them coming, and your mouth starts to feel funny.

You remember what they said or did last time and you think I hope she isn't ugly today TOO.
What if she is, then my bitterness starts growing a root. All of a sudden I have a root of bitterness in my life and it grows quickly! Another thing I learned about the Mulberry tree is it produces fruit the first year it is planted. So does my bitterness.

When Jesus said with the tiniest faith we can uproot that plant and plant it in the ocean, a couple of other verses popped in my head.

God is the vine dresser and he will uproot anything that He did not plant! Then I thought of how our sins are cast into the sea.

Next time I taste that bitter taste in my mouth from someone who has hurt me, I will remember how fast that mulberry tree grows and how soon that fruit will appear. Immediately, I'll know to ask God to yank that thing up!

I decided to run over to my Greek Dictionary and look at the meaning of the words and when I looked at Mulberry, it came up sycamine. What is the difference I asked myself.

A sycamine tree like the Mulberry has very large and deep roots. The sycamine wood was preferred wood for building caskets. The Mulberry tree and the sycamine tree look alot alike but the fruit taste very different, sycamine is extremly bitter...just like bitterness.

The sycamine tree was pollinated by wasps. Have you ever said, they stung me once but not again. Isn't that neat, how the tree Jesus was speaking of is a bitter tree just like unforgiveness turns bitter!

Take Heed Yourself...

Today in my devotional reading, I read Luke 17:1-10. In case you don't have time to look at it, its where Jesus says several things that you may be familiar with,

* It is better to have a millstone around your neck than to cause one of these little ones to sin.
* Forgive your brother over and over if he ask you to.
*If you have faith as a mustard seed you can say...

All three of these I was familiar with. But I don't think I had ever taken them as one whole thought from Jesus before. Look at what I have never noticed before:

Right between the verses 'it is better...' and 'forgive your brother' is TAKE HEED YOURSELVES. That stopped me in my tracks, is he talking about the millstone or the forgiving? The commentaries I checked implied, that it might go to the first part, another said the second part. So I thought I might as well look at it from both!

I'm not going to bother writing out the most obvious point that I'm sure many of us have heard many times about having a millstone around someones neck, but jump to what I felt God whisper to me today,

Jenny, take heed yourself, that you don't cause or offend one of my brand new children.

New Christians are considered babes in Christ, I checked up on myself and made sure that when I am talking or writing that it is always encouraging, even if a change is needed in their behavior or thinking. Jesus always offers encouragement and so should I! The last thing I ever want to do is cause someone to sin because they felt discouraged.

The other way is 'take heed that I am forgiving towards people if they say they are sorry', even if they do the same thing over and over. This one made me so happy because what I realized is God is willing to forgive me over and over the same DAY as long as I am asking.

See for me right I have this thought pattern in my head that is not Christ worthy. I have been struggling with it for awhile now. I have been beating myself up because to me when you repent you turn from it and don't do it again. But in the text, Jesus says "if he sins against you 7 times in a day saying 'I repent' you shall forgive him."

No more beating myself up that I didn't repent well enough or I wouldn't be back in the same pattern again. The key is realizing it quickly and repenting over and over if necessary, knowing that as I start to realize the problem and deal with it head on, I will overcome it through Christ!

If you have stuck with this long post, thank you! I'm stopping for today and chewing on that for a bit. If you have any insight to these verses I would love to hear them! (Read them). Tomorrow I'm going to share what I got from the second part, and it is good too!

Do you think she did this on purpose??

I asked (demanded) that Meghan let me use her camera AND have her picture taken for you all this morning before school! I had a great post in mind and I needed them, she did, but when I went to upload the pictures she had used the memory card that doesn't fit into my scan disk thingy.

Now I have to wait until she gets home and ask her to help. Which is not likely as she felt like today was a not so good hair day. Do you think she put the wrong memory card in on purpose or not.

Now she is a smart one, so it is possible! Anyway, maybe tomorrow.

In brighter news, I slept almost all night with no coughing so I am starting to feel like my old, regular self! It could have been the wonderful supper I cooked last night, and it was good! Did I say it was good?

Homemade biscuits, bacon, gravy, and scrambled eggs. With Sorghum too! I just like a big ole breakfast for dinner sometimes. Its pretty easy and just a comfort food. Believe it or not, the biscuits turned out right and the gravy. Normally either the biscuits resemble hard tack or the gravy is watery, but everything just came together last night!

Today we are suppose to have a lot of rain but watching the news this morning I could not believe how much rain some people are getting! I really don't know what I would do if I got that much rain.

On a different note, I put the first part of the study up for Mom's who are in a cycle of defeat in becoming better Mom's. If you have any suggestions, even if they are constructive criticism, I would love to hear them. To download the first part, visit our Bible study site. Then click on Daily guides and it should be the first thing you see.

I got my first letter from Rutaro Onesmus!

Yesterday when I got home, I was tired, cranky and did I say tired?

Anyway I flipped through the bills and saw an envelope from Compassion International. I wasn't really that excited as they have mailed several things in the last month. But when I opened it we had our first letter from Onesmus! (You can see a picture of him!)

He is old enough to write so the letter is in his handwriting and it is BEAUTIFUL handwriting. He started out the letter 'Dear My friend Jenny Smith'. At that point the tears were already welling.

Next he says, 'I am greeting you in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.' It was beautiful! Do you know what else this means, he more than likely has received my first letter! I hope it encourages him as much as his did me!

I wish I could explain that for some reason this strikes me as one of those things that will make it through the fire at the end. You know alot of things I do, I do for good reasons mixed in with pride. Some I do, just out of obedience. But this one, this one is love. A chance to show a young man, that he is loved not just by the people he can see in his life but by his friend Jenny Smith all the way in America. Because we share the same Father, and that makes us family!

Anyway, if you have thought about sponsoring a child, please do! You will get more out of it than $32 would ever get you in any store!

He signed the letter,

I remain your friend and I hope he knows I remain his friend too!
Jenny

Feeling a tiny bit better!

I don't know if I had the flu or just the crud, but for the last few days I have felt the pits. In fact most of Sunday I laid in the bed, sound asleep.

I just have to ask, is anybody but me thinking...

Exactly how high will gas get before I no longer run to the dollar tree for a dollar item!

How high will my grocery bill get before all my children move out?

And how in the world with me being so sick did I GAIN 3 pounds?

I kid you not, today I have filled up my car and thinking back to the times that was our grocery budget! Then I bought groceries and realized we may have to stop eating. Then for some reason I stepped onto the scales and I gained 3 pounds. So I took off all my clothes and I gained 2.5 pounds!

Is it just Monday, me or are you guys with me on this?

Jen

Oh yea, for those of you looking for the Better Mom study its coming I just ran into a computer glitch.

Spring Cleaning Our Hearts

Last Sunday, we looked at how we need to begin “spring cleaning” by looking into God’s Word.

Once we have started to put the Word of God in our minds, the next step is to start living
from our hearts. So how do we make this transition? How do we move God’s Word from our
minds and let it sink into our hearts? At some point, we have to make a choice to believe what
God is saying, and then begin to act on it.

What do you truly believe? Whatever your answer to that question, that is how you will live.
Do you believe that God cares for every hair on your head? If you do, you’ll talk to him because
you know He cares for you. Do you believe that He has a plan and a purpose for your
life? If you do, you’ll seek out ways to do it.

I made a decision to really believe Hebrews 11:6: “For without faith it is impossible to please
God, because anyone that comes to him must believe that he is and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.”

When I read the Bible, I try to read it with the faith that it was written for me and, therefore, I
should be applying it to ME! To do that, I need a little motivation, and this verse has it. If I
will earnestly seek him, (and do what He says), then there is a reward for me.

What am I looking for, as far as a reward? Peace, purpose, to be taken care of ... there are all
kinds of different needs depending on my day. If I believe the words God has written for me
(and you), and let them sink into my heart, then because of the choice I have made, I will try
to live them out.

Do I fail? Oh, yes. Do I succeed? Again, yes, and when I do succeed, I see this verse in action
in my life. As I see it at work, it makes me more diligent to learn God’s Word, apply it personally,
and then live it, knowing that God has promised me a reward for trying. Not to
mention that since Christ lives in me, He has also assured me that I can do all things
through him! Sometimes, the way that verse works is that, in Christ’s strength, I can pick
myself up and try again, and again, and again, until finally, through Christ, I am able to
master that area of my life.

Will you begin the process of letting God’s Word change you? Start reading the Bible. Make
up your mind that it was written for you, and let your heart start to direct you with the Bible
as your guide. Then see how your life will be a work of beauty. Spring-clean your mind,
then your heart, and then watch God spring-clean your life!

Next, we will look at some of the ways God will clean our lives. This is part of the Spring Cleaning series I wrote about earlier. Thanks and have a wonderful Sunday!

So how do you like the new look?

I had been moaning inside about having just a plain website when so many of my favorites have great looks. So tonight I said something to Chad about saving up some money so I could pay someone to fix it.

He KNOWS who to do it! How funny is that?? For weeks I had been trying to come up with 2 things, which great place to go to and how to come up with the money.

And right under my own roof was Chad!

Now we aren't finished with it, mainly I made him "prove" he really could change it! I'm having a hard time figuring out what I want now that I can have it.

The whole thing reminded me of the verse in James that says, "You have not be cause you ask not!" I wonder how many times I do the same thing with God, trying to figure it out and come up with a plan and if I just asked God might just be willing to do it!

Jenny

A tip from one sneezer to another!

edited to add...for serious help in organizing check out the Fly Lady. For a time (short time but still) I tried this and failed, but you may do better than I. Do we have any Fly Ladies out there??


I love these trees, the Bradford Pear, but they cause me to sneeze, cough, feel like I am bugged eyed, did I mention sneeze and have a headache??


Lysa's site is having fun sharing tips for organizing and where they hide stuff when company comes over. So in between sneezes here are my tips, or I should say my one tip...

Find a friend that is an organizing crazy person! When Carrie and I first become friends about 7 years ago, it depressed me how she was so organized. Her house is always perfect! And she has 3 kids and a full life just like me. I wanted to be Carrie, I tried and failed.

At some point, I went to her and asked for help. We spent the next week organizing my house. It was PAINFUL, all she wanted to do was throw my stuff away! You know a woman has to draw the line on somethings, and yes, I do need that!!

Seriously, we had alot of laughs and my house was better off for it. Her tip was throw my stuff away, as I had too much. The other thing I have learned about having a friend who is organized is if you hang out enough together, it does start to wear off on you.

Of course, if she reads this she may say, "yep, now I have to fight the messies".

On the question to hide stuff, we take everything to the basement. Where it usually stays and stays until we forget we ever had it! One good thing I personally shared with Carrie, is that when my kids move out, I will save money compared to her.

In fact that is the why I save so much stuff, to benefit my kids. I will be able to outfit their whole house just from mine!

Spring Break Last Year...

Last year for Spring Break Meghan, Katie and I went on a mission trip withHands and Feet. which is a missionary group right in our church. I was so excited and scared all at the same time. As you can see our rooms are in the "ritzy" part of Mexico.

The doors to the room where extremly thin, and Chad had stayed right at home in Georgia. So the first night we piled all of our luggage in front of the door because I was terrified! As the days wore on, the fear left and before the end of the week, I didn't even try to lock the door because what was the use???

Meghan found time to reach out to the community and the young people that were helping us. A little flirting makes the missionary work so much more fun! They (the girls) called him "Handsome" in Spanish. I thought that was his name, and called him that too!

These kids all showed up for our "Jesus Party". Most of them, if not all of them, walked as there are not many cars in the part of Mexico we were in. It was an amazing experience to watch Meghan and Katie, reached out to these kids.

The days were filled with work, the girls laid blocks to build a wall around a local church. I couldn't believe they would let kids build the wall, but you know what they did a great job. Alot of adults helped too. You will notice that I am not in any of the working pictures, that's because I am LAZY!

This was David, Hands and Feet pays him to work with the groups that come down. He is making concrete right on the ground, no barrel needed!

This is Meghan and Katie before we left, they looked so young. Meghan had decided to go with dark hair, but it didn't work for her. Now she is back to her "natural color"...sorta!

I have nothing going on...

The most exciting thing going on today is my smelly lilies are now outside and

all my girls are back in school, flu free!

Ok, maybe I'm not telling the whole truth, do you remember Meghan's boyfriend? Well he is no more. The drama has been pretty dramatic. I have to be extremely careful here as Meghan reads this from time to time, and she got really grouchy when I asked "Does your teen do this"

So here is what happened from my perspective, as soon as we spend money on said young man, as in her daddy offered to take them out to eat ANY where they choose and we would pay. As soon as that happened, he was out of there. Because you know if we like him, that is the kiss of death.

Alright now from Meghan's perspective a new young man caught her eye. They started out that they were just "good friends". Yes, Chad talked to her about the fact no young man will ever just be a "good friend". But they started talking, texting and before you know it, one is gone and the other is here.

We don't know the new one to well yet, but he does have the ability to write a very sweet message. In fact I told Chad that he might need to ask him for some tips.

Chad is already thinking maybe we should buy them dinner, because you know he is not liking the boyfriends...and the drama they bring!

A honest look at me...

As I sat in the corner of my kitchen floor, crying and rocking back and forth, all I can think is, ‘why do I do this, why can’t I control my temper?’ I know the girls are in their rooms, crying and scared. As I sat there for a long time, all I know to do is get up and act like nothing had just happened.

That is what I did over and over, something would set me off and the next thing I knew I was screaming, yelling, throwing things, and acting like a crazy women. Then somehow I would always make my way to the same corner of the kitchen, cry, listening to the voices in my head telling me how horrible I was.

We, the girls and I, got to be masters of picking up and acting like nothing had happened. We didn’t talk about it. For me, I just tried to act like it never happened, and hoped it didn’t happen again. For the girls, I know they were confused, scared and angry.

See all of this happened as a Christian, I wish I could say, it happened before I was a Christian but sadly it didn’t. I was 21 when I was saved, and I made some huge changes but for some reason, this one stuck with me.

I know now, that I was caught in a stronghold, and it had a hold of me big time! What I didn’t know is that this same stronghold, was slowly taking hold of my girls. When Katie was about 8, something had happened and I was screaming at her, when she hauled off and slapped me right across the face, hard! I slapped back. But at that moment I realized she was turning into me, and it broke my heart.

It wasn’t long after that happened that I found a verse, I may have heard it at church or somewhere, but I can remember looking it up and being mad at God, because it wasn’t fair. The verse was Exodus 20:5:

For I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children to the third and fourth generations of those who hate me but showing mercy to thousands, to those who love me and keep My commands.

All I was seeing was the iniquity being passed on, and I realized that I was passing on the same thing to the girls. Then as I thought about my mom who loves me a lot, but she did a lot of the same things, not near as bad as I did, but the same. Then I thought of her mom, who was known for throwing things at you. I love my Nanny but most of the stories we tell about her involve her famous temper. Her mom, I didn't know much, but from the stories I have heard, it was the same.

I was mad because it looked like I had no choice in the matter; I was just born with this horrible temper. As I sat there I felt God say, “You are missing the point”. The point is, if I broke that chain it would be broken for a thousand generations! How many is that? Too many to count!

And I did, slowly bit by bit, I changed. Which has changed the girls present and future! You may be thinking why is she posting this?

The other night in Bible study, we were divided up into prayer groups and the 5 ladies I was paired with didn’t know me and I didn’t know them. We had a topic to discuss and when it was my turn, I shared this. I didn’t want to because it’s ugly really ugly. But I couldn’t stop myself, I came home and told Chad what happened and he was like why would you share that? I don’t know.

In our house it’s not a secret, part of what helped me so much is we dragged it out into the light. Not fun, but neither is sitting in the kitchen floor hating yourself. But it’s not something I have ever shared publicly or even privately except with my family and 2 close friends. Did you see that 2 friends plus the 5 of us, that makes 7 people!

I went to bed thinking, how stupid was that; those ladies are going to think you are horrible. By the next morning I had forgot about it or tried to not think on it.

Then 2 weeks later in the same class the lesson was on surrender, as I sat and listened, I was checking in with God to see if I had surrender everything I could. I had the checklist going, and then someone slipped me a note, and said, “I’m doing the same thing to my kids can you help me?”

I was not happy on the way home, I came in and I told Chad what had happened. He really didn’t say anything. I went to bed telling God, no way, no how. I will not open up that ugliness!

Then the next day, He reminded me of surrendering everything. And I said, just with her. I'll share what I went through and some steps that helped me. I felt Him say, “No”. There are many people who are struggling the same way, reach out and offer a hand.

So here I am offering a hand…

I’m in the early process of writing what helped me, kind of a Bible study with practical help from one who has been in the floor on this one. So if you want to take part leave me a comment or if you would prefer send me an email at Jenny@gowatersedge.com and we will see what God will do.

A thousand generations are at stake, you can be the one that changes them!

Spring forward and Spring is almost here!

Spring is almost here, and soon, no doubt, we will be hearing that severe weather is coming. Life is like spring; there are beautiful days with wonderful temperatures, and then a storm will suddenly blow in.

When that happens, we hunker down, close the windows and wait it out. Then, once the storm has passed, we get on with spring-cleaning. I think everyone reading this can relate to how we all feel during the spring.

So while we are spring cleaning our houses and yards, let's not forget our spiritual side. Over the next four Sunday's we are going to spring-clean four areas of our lives; our minds, hearts, lives and mouths.

I think it is important they go in that order because we start by reading or hearing the Word of God with our minds, and then we decide whether we let it sink down into our hearts. If we allow it into our hearts, then our lives will be affected, including our mouths; although, for some reason it takes a lot to clean up our mouths!

Cleaning these four areas is all part of the process of maturing as Christians. In Romans 12:2, it tells us:

Be not conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.

Then in 2 Timothy 3:16-17, we are told what to use to renew our minds:

All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting, and training in righteousness, so that the people of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.

In order for us to begin the process of spring-cleaning our lives, the first thing we must do is start getting into Gods Word EVERY day! The only way we can move forward is by allowing God to speak to each of us from the Bible.

The areas I need to spring-clean may not be the same as the areas you need to take care of. I don't know any way to say this other than flat out;

if you are not in the Bible on a daily basis then you are ignoring God! He has something to say to you today.

So take this week and use it to make a sincere effort to get into the Bible daily; then see what happens.

When I spend time in the Bible, one thing that happens is that it fills some of my empty places. (I am not saying my brain is empty; just full of useless stuff!) The things I learn each day will always be the things that are most readily available to me. I want those things to be about God, so I can base my decisions on His Word, and not on junk!

Next Sunday we will look at how we make the jump from head knowledge to heart living. For this week, though, take time to spring-clean some of the junk from your mind, and fill it with beautiful words from Jesus!

This is part of the Spring Cleaning series I wrote about earlier. Thanks and have a wonderful Sunday!

The flu has arrived...

Lauren has the flu. We just got back from the Dr.'s office. He was nice he prescribed Tamiflu for the entire family. He said it might keep us from getting the flu or if we do get it will have an easier time of it.

Our insurance policy is one of those that doesn't pay much, it's more for hospital stays. I knew that we didn't get much of a break on prescriptions but since we normally are healthy it has never been a problem until today!

I stood in line to drop off our 5 prescriptions, I noticed the lady looked at me with pity. But in my mind I figured she thought all 5 of us already had the flu. I start explaining to her that only Lauren has the flu, the Dr. just gave it to us to help us not get it.

Very sweetly she looks at me and leans over the counter and says, 'each prescription will be $80'. Folks, that is 80 x 5, or $400! All so that we might not get the flu!

Lauren got hers and the rest of us, will be praying very hard that we don't get it! But if we do, I can get it filled then and have less flu! Oh, yea as soon as I got home I gave Lauren her dose, which 30 mins later was decorating my bed. That had to be the most expensive puke I have ever cleaned up!

Also over at Dori's website, who also has the flu and the Tamiflu, wrote this morning how one of the side effects could be crazy behavior. (She actually has the medical word for it but I'm to tired to try and spell it!)

Jen

I think I have given myself sickness because of selfishness!

It started with good intentions, doesn't it always? We went to the Lowe's Sunday for some pine straw and I suddenly remembered I had a surprise birthday party to go to in about 2 hours! Then I saw these... and I thought they would be perfect for my friend.

As we drove home I realized that I really liked them and I tried to think of something around the house I could give instead, maybe some pine straw or how about a half empty bottle of lotion??

I was a little disappointed that I couldn't come up with an alternative gift. As I went to get ready I looked at my calendar and realized the party was not until next week.

The joy that flooded over me, I could have them! Chad was convinced that I did it on purpose! I sat them on the dining room table and we have enjoyed them all week. Except...

They smell funny and pollen is dripping off of them. Then this morning I woke up with another headache...could it be sinus trouble from all the pollen in the air??

I think my greed and selfishness is being revealed, in the form of headaches! But here is my question, do I still HAPPILY pass them on to my friend and hope they don't give her a headache? I guess I could send a bottle of Tylenol with it! Or do I plant them outside (if I can??) and have a reminder from now until they die of my selfishness or return them and try to find her something that won't cause me to have a sin problem with a side of pain?

What would you do?

Great news and a request for help!

Yesterday I found out that I was going to be able to fly to the She Speaks Conference for FREE! What makes it even better is at the end of last week I was considering not going, mainly because of the cost involved.

OK truthfully, maybe a lot of it was a big ole case of fear. This month will be 15 years since I accepted Christ. That means I was 20, and can I just say, I was a mess! You know the kind of young adult that causes parents to worry and people to shake their heads.

I went forward at a revival and the next day drove to the mall and bought a Bible. The Rainbow Study Bible, all the pages were color coded and looked so readable. I can still remember what I felt like flipping through all those pages. It was a King James Version I think that might have been before NIV became so popular. I didn’t know hardly anything about the Bible.

Fast forward just a couple of months and you would find me sitting in a Kay Arthur Bible study, way over my head. Everyone in the class (it seemed) had a grasp on the Bible and here I was struggling to find the book, thinking I didn’t do this much homework in school.

But as time went on I feel in love with Bible study because through it, Jesus started changing me little by little. I have started and not finished more Bible studies than anyone person should be allowed to. Not because the studies weren’t great, they are, I just couldn’t hang on!

I’m in a great study right now on prayer and every week more and more people don’t show up. And I know for some of them they are like I was, too much too soon. Some of them, like I have been, have so many “issues” that they need to work on the basics.

In fact, that is the reason I started writing Bible studies for the studies I have taught. Sometimes we need for what ever reason to start with a study, that puts us in the Word but at the same time starts teaching the skills that make Bible study easier. Knowing that as they find Jesus more and more in the Bible they will naturally want more and more!

The reason I want to go to the She Speaks Conference is because I have done as much self growth in the writing and speaking area as I can. I need help!! So when this came along I was excited, and then scared, because here is the truth…

What if I’m wrong and I have no talent. Now I know we are talking God-given talent, but still I could get there and them say, ‘Darling, we don’t know what you are suppose to be doing but this AIN’T it!’ That’s my fear...and yes I realize that stinks of pride. So now I have two issues, I better wind this post up before it gets any worse!

So what I thought I would do is post part of a study I wrote a couple of years ago called, “Spring Cleaning.” If you click on the link on the side that says Waters Edge it will take you to the Bible study site, that’s under construction. Then click on Spring Cleaning and you can print it out and see what you think.

If you enjoy it would you think about sponsoring me so that I will be able to go? Now if you don’t like it you can still sponsor me and maybe they can help me!!

Here is the number if you want to call 877-731-4663. If you call them directly it will be a tax-deductable. Or you can mail them a check at:

Proverbs 31 MinistriesShe Speaks Scholarship6
16-G Matthews-Mint Hill Road
Matthews, NC 28105

Lastly, you can send me a gift thru PayPal (non tax-deductable) at Jenny@gowatersedge.com.

Most importantly, please pray for me!

Monday's musings...

This morning I realized that I have more to confess on Monday's than any other day. Why would that be, I asked myself, Why?

Myself answered back because on Saturday and Sunday's Chad, Meghan, Katie and Lauren are all home. They are the reason I sin so much! :)

I started telling God on them, because you know its their fault. Do you know what He said back?

What is different on Saturday and Sunday in your routine? I ponder for a moment, I get to sleep later, eat more junk food, stay up later, etc.

All of a sudden I had a flash of my journal, Bible, and pen. The sleeping late is where I am tripping up. When I get up, Chad is already up, Lauren is up and my prayer time is like a drive-thru.

Quick, thoughtless, and not in my best interest or the best interest of my family. Verses during the week, I spend more time praying, reading and thinking.

But now I'm in a pickle, do I really think I'll get up earlier or hide somewhere? I guess I could stick with what's not working so well, long confession time on Monday's.

My flesh is killing me here, but the only real choice is to get up early, then take a nap! How about you all do you have a different routine on the weekends and is it working for you? If so, share, please!

Too much for one Saturday

You know how some mornings as soon as your feet hit the floor you know it is going to be a jam packed day. We had one of those today. We jump in the car to run to the mall quickly and then... road construction.

We needed to run into the mall quickly and pick up a gift for Chad's parents party, 50 years of marriage!
50 years, I can't even imagine.
As me and the girls are watching the time go tick tock as we traveled 10 miles per hour in a 70 mph zone. I smile because I had prayed this morning.

As we ran into the mall with no time to shop, we picked out our gift, a gold clock, and found out we could have it engraved if we could come back in a hour. I can do this, surely I can.

Next stop eye doctor for Meghan and Katie.

$500 later, we have two girls looking cute in their new glasses. Mom is look a little deflated because now my checking account is deflated!

Back to the mall when I REALLY sprint in to pick up the gold clock, while the girls enjoy a milkshake in the car. By the time I get back in the car, my legs feel faint.

Wobbly would be a better word.

Back to our neck of the woods to drop Lauren off for a birthday party. Drop off Meghan and Katie with strict instructions for Meghan to clean the kitchen, Katie's in charge of the living room.

To the grocery store to figure out finger foods, by this time, I'm tired, broke and starting to feel grouchy. Quick call to Chad to ask what do I need to bring, he is clueless I wonder around the grocery store, clueless and end up with crackers and hummus, oh yea, Deb (Chad's sister) asked me to bring drinks, so how about... root beer.

It sounded good in the store!

Pick Lauren up, come home Meghan is on the phone working on the kitchen, Katie is on the laptop with a not so clean living room. Mom blows her stack and has a hissy fit. Somehow in the process of mom having the fit the kitchen, living room, bathroom and bedrooms ALL get cleaned.

Brush teeth, drive up to Chad's sisters house for the party and realize I am bringing hummus and rootbeer...to a 50th wedding anniversary party, with people who for the most part have never heard of hummus.

As I slipped it on the table full of foods like chicken salad sandwiches, cheese balls, sausage balls, cucumber sandwiches, yep we have a container of hummus and crackers. Then Deb (Chad's sister) says did you bring drinks?

Oh yea, I have a two liter ROOTBEER! The look on her face was priceless as she starts looking in her cabinets for coke, sprite, dr.pepper, etc.

Geneva and Pop came in with Chad, they thought we were meeting at a restaurant for fish, that would be Long John Silvers, because that is the only good fish place in town. She was so excited and surprised by all of us there. Thankfully she didn't notice the hummus or the rootbeer, all she saw was all the people she cares about.

On the way home I realized that you can't ever have another 50th wedding anniversary. It's a once in a lifetime event, and I took hummus!

Some days I should make a list before I leave the house,then we wouldn't end up with hummus or Rootbeer.

So anyone care to make me feel better by sharing when you took something that didn't fit in the finger food table?